頭が良くて成績が良くて、良い学校に入って良い会社に入ってって、凄いことだと思う。そうできるに越したことはない。多くの人がその道を狙って進んでいき、その達成が最高の成功として日本社会全体に広がっている。私もできることならそうしたかった。しかし残念ながら私にはできなかったし、全ての人がその道を真っ直ぐに進んでいけるわけではない。そういう意味で「成功している」と言える人たちはどのくらいの割合でいるのだろう。
　運動能力に長けていて、走っても速いし、ボールを投げても遠くまで投げられるし、身体も大きい。そんなスポーツ万能な人はとても羨ましい。私の場合で言えば、幼い頃はプロ野球選手になるのが夢だったので、もしそれが叶えられたらどんなに良かったことだろう。みんなからの注目を一手に集め、きっと生き甲斐に溢れた人生を送れたことだろう。しかし残念ながらその夢は藻屑と消えたし、全てのプロ野球選手を目指す若者がその道を突き進めるわけではない。
　お金持ちになれたらどんなに良かっただろう。月末の支払に毎月頭を抱える必要はないだろうし、借金でいろんなことを我慢しなくても済んだことだろう。もっと違う世界を覗けたかもしれないし、もっと余裕をもって生活できたに違いない。お陰様で不自由のない暮らしはさせてもらっているが、歳を取ってきて、老後に向けた近い将来を考えると落ち着いてはいられない状況だ。

　若い頃に漠然と夢に見た生活からは、今、かけ離れた状況かもしれない。例えば「もっと本を読んでおけば良かった」とか、「あの時どうして頑張れなかったのだろう」と悔やむこともある。「ああしておけば、もしかしたら違った世界が開けていたかもしれない」等と妄想しがちな私だが、しかしトータルで考えると、「なるようになっている」ような感覚がある。著しい結果は何一つ残せていないが、私なりに懸命に生きてきたので、今の状況が精一杯の成果なのだと思う。それなりに苦しい思いもしてきていて、どこかの時点に戻ってもう一度やり直したいという願いはない。むしろやっとここまで来た思いがある。

　それぞれが目指す道において、成功している人たちは本当に凄いと思う。才能だけで成績を高くキープできたり、ホームランを何本も打てたり、財産を築くことはできないはずだ。外からは見えない努力や鍛錬の厳しさは本人にしか分からない。その闘いを生き甲斐と感じる人もいることだろう。
　ただ、何も達成できていない私が言うのはおこがましいが、何かの分野に秀でているからと言って、そのことだけで奢ってはいけないと思う。他者の存在がいるから、人と人の間で揉まれるからこそ、その人の人生が輝く。一人では生きていけないのだ。割合で考えれば、成功者たちもお世話になっている他者たちは、落伍者の集まりだ。

　私を代表に、夢に破れた人たちは自業自得なのかもしれない。それだけの努力しか積み上げられなかったから、それだけの結果しか残せなかったのかもしれない。しかしそれが何だというのだ。成功者は○で、落伍者は×という判断は人間の価値観によるものだ。人生の意味はもっと別のところにあると感じる。
　負け犬の遠吠えにしか聞こえないかもしれない。でも少なくとも「失敗することが恥ずかしいことではない」と、みんなが自然と考えられる社会が、私は“○”だと思う。

　今日の生命に感謝して

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Just desserts

　I think it’s great to be smart, get good grades, get into a good school, and get into a good company. There is nothing better than being able to do so. Many people go for that path, and their achievement is spread throughout Japanese society as the highest success. I would have done the same if I could have. But unfortunately I could not, and not all people can go straight down that path. I wonder what percentage of people can be called “successful” in that sense.
　They are athletically gifted, they run fast, they can throw a ball far, and they are big. I envy such athletic people very much. In my case, when I was a child, my dream was to become a professional baseball player, and how great it would have been if I could have achieved that. I would have had all the attention of everyone, and I would have lived a life full of purpose. Unfortunately, that dream has faded into dust, and not all young people who aspire to be professional baseball players are able to pursue that path.
　How nice it would have been to be rich. I would not have had to worry about the end-of-month payment every month, and I would not have had to endure so many things because of debt. He would have been able to see a different world, and he would have been able to live a more comfortable life. Thanks to you, I have been able to live a comfortable life, but as I get older and think about my near future toward old age, I can’t seem to settle down.

　The situation may be far removed from the life I vaguely dreamed of when I was young. For example, I sometimes regret that I should have read more books, or wonder why I didn’t work harder at that time. I tend to be paranoid and think, “If I had done that, maybe the world would have opened up to me differently,” etc. However, when I think about it in total, I feel as if things are turning out the way they are supposed to. I have not achieved any remarkable results, but I have lived my life to the best of my ability, and I think that my current situation is the best I can do. I have had my fair share of hardships, and I have no desire to go back to some point in my life and start over again. Rather, I feel that we have finally come this far.

　I think it is truly amazing that people are successful in the paths they are pursuing. Talent alone should not be enough to keep one’s grades high, hit many home runs, or make a fortune. Only they can understand the severity of their efforts and training, which cannot be seen from the outside. I am sure that some people find their struggle worth living for.
　However, it is presumptuous of me to say this, since I have not achieved anything, but just because one excels in a certain field does not mean that one should be complacent about it. It is because of the presence of others, because of the struggle between people, that a person’s life shines. You cannot live alone. If you think about it proportionally, the others to whom successful people are also indebted are a group of dropouts.

　Those who have lost their dreams, including myself, may have had it coming. Maybe they could only achieve that much because they could only accumulate that much effort. But what does that matter? The judgment that the successful are “GOOD” and the losers are “WRONG” is based on human values. I feel that the meaning of life lies somewhere else.
　It may sound like the howl of a loser. But at the very least, I believe that a society in which everyone naturally thinks, “Failure is nothing to be ashamed of,” is an “GOOD.

　With gratitude for today’s life