私が卒業した高校は自由な校風が自慢の学校だった。良いか悪いかは別として、誤解を恐れずに言えば、生徒も先生も自由に好き勝手していた印象だ。私立高校ではあったが、一応は当時の文部省の指導要領に従わなければならなかったはずで、それなりに縛りはあっただろう。しかし現代では恐らく許されないような奔放さが学校全体に漂っていて、“緩い”時代の笑い話がたくさんある。

　そんな勝手な先生たちについて、彼らにはポリシーがあったと言うか、その勝手さは筋金入りだったと思う。それぞれが教師生命をかけて、自分の自由に責任を持っていたという感じだ。つまり信念を持って教師という仕事に当たっていた人が多かったと思う。しかし学校と言っても一つの組織であることに変わりはない。当然一番偉い校長先生という存在がいるわけで、その人に逆らってまで好き勝手にすることは流石にできなかったようだ。校長に怒られたり、同僚の先生たちとぶつかったりすることはしょっちゅうあったそうだ。それで「この学校では自分が理想とする教育ができない」といって学校を去った先生もいらっしゃったと聞く。

　多かれ少なかれ、自分がやりたい事と組織としての考え方が違うということは誰もが経験していることだと思う。あの緩い時代の先生という職業にあっても同じことが言えたようだ。今もそうなのかもしれない。
　かつての先生の一人と話したことがあった。校長との考え方の相違で、自分が思うように教育をできなかったことがあったそうだ。私はその時なぜ辞めずにそのまま留まれたのかと質問した。彼女は「自分が担任をしている生徒たちがいてくれたから」と答えた。また次のようにも言っていた。「大人の世界（職員室）では、それは色々ある。考え方の違いやキャリアもバラバラだし、先生同士の人間関係は複雑だ。思うようにいかないことばかりで大変だけれども、自分の教室に帰ってくると子供たちがいてくれる。言うことを聞かない子もたくさんいて大変だけれど、私は子供たちに助けられている」。私は、その先生にしてみれば自分の理想や思いはあるけれど、そんなことよりも生徒が愛おしく、その愛情みたいなものが彼女を支えたんだと理解した。

　人間相手の仕事は本当に大変だと思う。教師や教育現場など、対象の人間が子供であればより困難度が増すイメージがある。しかしその分“見返り”というか、うまくいったときの喜びも大きいのだろう。ということは、失敗した時の落胆が酷いことも容易に想像できる。
　しかし人間相手は大変なこと以上に、お金には代えられない経験を共に積むことができるのではないか。それはネガティブな出来事も含めてだ。社会の中で生きていく以上、自分の思い通りにならないことは山ほどある。でも逃げ込むわけではないけれど、前向きな意味で、仕事の対象である「人間」との関係の中にやりがいや取り組む目的を見出すことはできると思う。もしかしたらそれが“大人の事情”に巻き込まれつつも、前を向ける動機づけになり得るのかもしれない。

　仕事かボランティアかに関係なくね

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The Need to Be Me (Part 2)

　The high school I graduated from boasted a free school culture. Whether it was good or bad, without fear of being misunderstood, I got the impression that students and teachers were free to do as they pleased. Although it was a private high school, it had to follow the guidelines of the Ministry of Education at the time, and I am sure there were certain restrictions. However, there was an unrestrained atmosphere throughout the school that would probably not be tolerated today, and there are many funny stories about the “loose” days.

　I would say that they had a policy about such self-serving teachers, and their selfishness was hardcore. I feel that each of them was responsible for his or her own freedom at the cost of the teacher’s life. In other words, many of them had their own convictions about their work as teachers. However, a school is still an organization. Naturally, there is a principal, who is the most important person in the school, and it seems that they could not do whatever they wanted to do in defiance of him or her. He was often angry with the principal and clashed with his fellow teachers. I heard that there were teachers who left the school saying, “I can’t get my ideal education at this school.

　I think everyone has experienced the difference between what one wants to do and the way of thinking of the organization. The same thing seemed to be true for teachers in those loose times. Maybe it is still the same today.
　I once talked with one of my former teachers. she told me that there was a time when she could not teach the way she wanted to because of a difference of opinion with the principal. I asked her why she stayed on instead of quitting. She replied, “Because the students I was teaching were there. She also said the following. ‘In the adult world [the staff room], it’s a lot of different things. There are different ways of thinking, different careers, and complicated relationships between teachers. It’s not always as easy as you would like it to be, but when you come back to your classroom, the children are there. There are a lot of kids who don’t listen to me, but I am saved by them. I understood that the teacher had her own ideals and thoughts, but more than that, she loved her students, and it was that kind of love that sustained her.

　I think it is really hard to work with people. There is an image of more difficulty if the target person is a child, such as a teacher or in an educational setting. However, the payoff, or rather the joy when things go well, must be great. In other words, it is easy to imagine that the disappointment of failure would be terrible.
　However, I believe that with human partners, more than the hardships, we can gain experiences together that cannot be replaced by money. That includes negative events. As long as we live in society, there are plenty of things that do not go our way. However, I don’t mean to run away from it, but in a positive sense, I think it is possible to find satisfaction and purpose in the relationship with “people” who are the object of our work. Perhaps this can motivate us to look forward, even though we are caught up in “adult situations.

　Regardless of whether it is work or volunteer work.