私は独り善がりの考え方に陥りがちで、周りが見えなくなることが多い。切羽詰まってきたときほど、そういう傾向が強くなる。本当は逆で、窮地の時こそ冷静に振る舞いたいものだが、なかなかそうカッコ良くはいかない。相対的なものの考え方や見方を身につけ、どんな時でも毅然と立ち回ることができる大人になりたい。
　いずれにしてもこの人間社会の中で生きていく以上、決められたルールに従う必要があり、またルールが及ぶ範囲外においても独り善がりの行いは通用しない。そういった限定された状況下で、いかに個性を大切に活かしながら生きていくかが、1つ大きなテーマになるのは言うまでもない。

　他人から見た自分、或いは第三者的な見地に立って自分を俯瞰することは、私は大切だと思う。歳を取っていくほどに頑固になっていく私自身を感じているし、「他人からどう見られようが、自分の好きにする！」という気持ちも分かるような気がする。「苦労して子どもたちを育ててきたんだから、これからは勝手にさせてくれ！」という叫びにも同情する。
　しかし厳しいことを言うようだが、人間はいくつになっても、人生のいつの時代も、他人から支えられて生きているのだと思う。誰も一人では生きられない。他人の支えがあったからこそ、苦労もできたし頑張ってもこられたのではなかったか。自分一人の力で生きてきたと信じているようなら、その人は本当に周りが見えていない。独善的に生きることは、私は間違った生き方だと思う。

　個性を発揮することと独善的になることを混同してはいけない。どこで線を引くかは難しく、本人には決められないことなのかもしれない。少し離れた場所にいる他者にしかできない判断なのかも。ただ、自分の私利私欲やわがままみたいなものが要因となっている行動は、独善的と言えるだろう。「何もしない」という行動も同じだと思う。
　独り善がりに陥りそうなときほど、他人の支えが必要なのだろう。冷静に自分を見つめる視点は、誰もが持てるものではないのかもしれない。現に、周りのことが見えない人は他者の言葉に耳を傾けようとはしない。助言が身体に入っていかないのだ。しかしそれを周りの人たちが言い訳にして、当人の好き勝手を許していれば、いずれ各所に歪みが生じ良くないことが起きるように思う。私はそれで本当に、本当に痛い目に遭った。

　昨日のニュースで、家族や周囲からの強い勧めにも関わらず、車の免許証の返納を拒み、運転を続けていた高齢者が人身事故を起こしたと伝えられていた。死亡事故にはならなかったそうだが、そのことで本人はもちろん、同居する家族の様々な人間関係が崩れていったそうだ。私には他人事では済ませられない。
　自我、責任、個性、プライド等々、様々な要素が絡み合って自分の生き方、また私らしさが整ってゆく。「いつから始めても、遅いと言うことはない」という言葉を信じて、改めて謙虚に生きてゆきたいと思う。心配してくれる人の声に耳を傾け、そして誰かを心配して声を掛けられるように努めていきたい。まだまだ人生、これからだ。

 頼って良いんだよね

/////////////////

A Life Supported

　I tend to fall into a self-righteous mindset and often lose sight of the world around me. The more dire the situation becomes, the stronger this tendency becomes. In fact, I would like to act calmly in times of crisis, but it is not so easy to do so. I want to learn how to think and see things relatively, and become an adult who can stand firm in any situation.
　In any case, as long as we live in this human society, we need to follow the rules that have been established, and even outside the scope of the rules, self-righteous behavior is not acceptable. Needless to say, one of the major themes is how to live in such a limited situation while making the most of one’s individuality.

　I think it is important to look at yourself from the perspective of others or from a third-party viewpoint. I feel myself becoming more and more stubborn as I get older, and I think I understand the feeling of “I don’t care how others see me, I do what I want! I also sympathize with the cries of “I have raised my children with hardship, so from now on I want to do as I please!
　However, at the risk of sounding harsh, I believe that no matter how old we get or what time in our lives we live, we are always supported by others. No one can live alone. It is because of the support of others that we have been able to struggle and do our best. If a person believes that he or she has lived on his or her own, he or she really does not see the world around him or her. Living self-righteously is, in my opinion, the wrong way to live.

　One should not confuse being individualistic with being self-righteous. Where to draw the line is difficult and may be something that cannot be decided by the individual. Maybe it is a decision that only others at some distance can make. However, if one’s own self-interest or selfishness is a factor in one’s actions, one could say that one is self-righteous. The same can be said for the action of “doing nothing.
　The more we seem to fall into complacency, the more we need the support of others. Not everyone has the ability to look at themselves dispassionately. In fact, people who cannot see what is going on around them do not listen to the words of others. Advice does not enter their bodies. However, if the people around them use this as an excuse and allow the person to do as he or she pleases, eventually distortions will occur in various areas, and I think bad things will happen. I was really, really hurt by that.

　Yesterday’s news reported that an elderly person who refused to return his driver’s license and continued to drive, despite strong encouragement from his family and others, caused an accident that resulted in personal injury. The accident did not result in a fatality, but the incident apparently destroyed various relationships not only for the elderly person but also for the family members who lived with him. I can’t let it be someone else’s problem.
　Ego, responsibility, individuality, pride, and many other factors all intertwine to shape the way I live and who I am. Believing in the saying, “No matter when you start, it is never too late,” I would like to live my life with renewed humility. I want to listen to those who worry about me, and then strive to be able to call out in concern for someone else. I still have a long way to go in life.

　You can depend on others.