旧約聖書を読んでいると、少し前までは気分が悪くなっていた。積極的に読みたいとは思えなかった。歴史的なロマンに魅了される一方で、無残に人の命を殺めるような野蛮な表現が多く、どちらかと言えば嫌いだった。私が知っているキリスト教では、もっと寛容で優しさに溢れる平安の世界が展開されているはずだったが、旧約の世界はいつも暴力による争いごとで満ちていた。また人が人を裏切ったり、神に背いて偶像を崇めたり、およそ私が憧れるような空間からはかけ離れている印象を受けていた。
　ところがあるとき旧約を読んでいてふと思ったのだが、ここには私のことが書いてあるのではないかと直感的に感じた。今まで、野蛮で神への信仰が薄い人間たちの愚かな物語だと他人事として捉えていた旧約が、これは私自身の物語なのだと突然悟ってしまった。そしてその感覚がストンと腑に落ちて私の中に入り、そうすると今まで何となく漠然と抱いていたたくさんの疑問が解けてくるような気がした。

　旧約の時代を生きた人たちは、主にあって過ちを犯し続けてきた。その度に神さまから直接制裁を受け、また赦され、そしてまた懲りずに不平不満をぶちまけたり他民族の神々を崇拝したりして、主を欺いてきた。何度痛い目に遭っても人間は学ばず、繰り返し罪を重ねている。
　これは私のことなのだと思う。私だけでなく、人間という神さまの創造物は罪を犯し続ける生き物なのだ。表現が難しいが、人間という種族は時空を超えて一つに繋がっているのだと思う。或いは4,000年を生きる一体の巨大な生物と考えても良い。現代を生きる私たちも、太古の記憶と罪を継承しながら生きているのだと思う。つまりイスラエルの民をエジプトから救い出したのも、自分の息子を神への捧げ物として殺そうとしたことも、そして取って食べるなと言われていた木から実を取って食べたのも、全ては私がやったことなのだ。

　そう考えると、二つの理解が私に迫ってくる。一つは、人間は皆同じだと言うこと。聖書の中の予言者たちや、キリスト教を離れた時も尊敬すべき人物はたくさんいる。その人たちが遺した業績やその人自身を敬う気持ちを否定するつもりはないけれど、しかし私たちは一体なのだ。あの人がやり遂げた素晴らしい発明も、この人が犯した卑劣な犯罪も、全ては私がやったこと。
　そう捉えると、差別も憎しみも妬みも、抱くこと自体がナンセンスに思えてくる。反対に偉人を必要以上に崇め奉ることにも違和感を覚えてくる。人間はあくまでも平等であって、神さまから命じられた役割が異なるだけなのだ。上も下も本当はないのだと思う。過剰に他者を崇拝する気持ちは必要ない。隣人愛とは、この「人と人との間には隔たりがない」という基本的な認識があって初めて本物になってゆくように思う。

　二つ目は、イエス様の偉大さの再確認である。神さまがこの世に舞い降りた姿であるイエス様は、人間が犯した罪をご自分の死によって贖ってくださった。一人残らずの罪を全部である。そしてなお今この時も贖い続けてくださっている。
　4,000年の罪を全て背負い、イエス様が一手に引き受けてくださるからこそ、私たちが今日生きられているということ。このことが旧約を読み進めるに従って、改めて私に宿った聖書とそして人間の理解である。クリスマスに相応しい神さまからの強烈なメッセージだ。知識としては知っていても、実感として心に根付くということはまるで違う。日々、新しい発見と知恵を授かることを目指し、信仰を深めてゆきたいと思う。

　旧約が、面白くなってきたんだよね～

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Towards True Equality

　When I was reading the Old Testament, I used to feel sick. I didn’t feel like reading it actively. While I was fascinated by the historical romance, there were many barbaric expressions that cruelly killed people, and I rather disliked it. In Christianity as I knew it, there was supposed to be a world of peace that was more tolerant and full of kindness, but the world of the Old Testament was always full of violent conflicts. Also, people betrayed each other, disobeyed God and worshipped idols, and it gave me the impression that it was far removed from the kind of space I longed for.
　Then, one day, while reading the Old Testament, I suddenly had the feeling that it was describing me. Until then, I had always thought of the Old Testament as a story about foolish people who were barbaric and had little faith in God, but I suddenly realized that it was my own story. And that feeling sank into my heart and mind, and I felt that it was solving many of the questions I had been vaguely wondering about.

　The people who lived in the Old Testament era continued to make mistakes. Each time, they received direct punishment from God, were forgiven, and then again, without learning their lesson, they complained and worshiped the gods of other peoples, deceiving the Lord. No matter how many times they suffered, they never learned, and they continued to sin again and again.
　I think this is about me. Not just me, but all of God’s creations, human beings, are creatures who continue to sin. It’s difficult to express, but I think that the human race is connected as one across time and space. Or you could think of it as a single, giant creature that has lived for 4,000 years. I think that we who live in the present day also live on, inheriting the memories and sins of ancient times. In other words, it was me who rescued the Israelites from Egypt, who tried to kill my own son as an offering to God, and who took the fruit from the tree I was told not to eat.

　When I think about it like that, two understandings come to me. One is that all human beings are the same. There are many prophets in the Bible and other figures who should be respected even when they have left Christianity. I don’t mean to deny the achievements they have left behind or the feelings of respect for the people themselves, but we are all the same. The wonderful inventions that that person achieved and the despicable crimes that this person committed – all of it was done by me.
　When you look at it like that, discrimination, hatred and envy all seem like nonsense. On the other hand, I also feel uncomfortable with the way we worship great people to an excessive degree. I think that human beings are fundamentally equal, and that we just have different roles that God has assigned to us. I don’t think there is any real difference between the rich and the poor. There is no need to excessively worship others. I think that love for one’s neighbor can only become genuine when there is a basic recognition that there is no gap between people.

　Secondly, it is a reaffirmation of the greatness of Jesus. Jesus, who is the form of God that came down to earth, atoned for the sins of mankind through his own death. He atoned for all the sins of every single person. And even now, he continues to atone for us.
　It is because Jesus took on all the sins of the past 4,000 years and took responsibility for them all that we are able to live today. This is the Bible and human understanding that has come to me anew as I read through the Old Testament. It is a powerful message from God that is befitting of Christmas. It is one thing to know something intellectually, but quite another to have it take root in your heart. I want to deepen my faith, aiming to receive new discoveries and wisdom every day.

　The Old Testament is starting to get interesting!