「しかし、兄は父親に言った。『このとおり、わたしは何年もお父さんに仕えています。言いつけに背いたことは一度もありません。それなのに、わたしが友達と宴会をするために、子山羊一匹すらくれなかったではありませんか。ところが、あなたのあの息子が、娼婦どもと一緒にあなたの身上を食いつぶして帰って来ると、肥えた子牛を屠っておやりになる。』」（ルカによる福音書15章29-30節）
　上記の聖書箇所は有名な「放蕩息子のたとえ」の話で、先日、私たちの教会での主日礼拝においても、牧師先生が説教の中で触れていらっしゃった。先生は当の放蕩息子ではなく、その兄について語り、この兄は自分のことしか考えていないと説かれていた。

　私は以前からこの物語について考えを巡らせていたのだが、基本的には、牧師先生に批判された「兄」に同情を覚えていた。恐らく私はこの兄のタイプの人間だと思う。私自身と重ね合わせることが容易く、心情を察するのに時間は必要なかった。
　物語の中で、この兄は毎日の大変な仕事に我慢して耐え、父親のために一心に尽くしてきた。ところが、遊びほうけていた弟が急に帰ってきたら、自分がしてもらった事の無いような贅沢な歓待を父から受けている。兄にしてみたら、やりきれない思いになるのは当然のように私には思える。しかし牧師先生は、この兄を“ダメな例”として紹介されていた。

　牧師先生の説明を私になりに噛み砕くと、この兄は自分の力によってキツい仕事に耐えてきたという自負があるのだと思う。自分が頑張ったからこそ、弟が他所で豪遊している間も、家を守り、家族たちをしっかり養うことができたのだという誇りがあるのだろう。私にとっては当然の感情だと思えるが、しかしよく考えてみると、兄の心の中に神の存在が見当たらない。全てにおいて兄は「オレが頑張ったから」とか、「オレの力で成し遂げた」という自分中心の考え方で行動しており、いわば“奢り”があるように見える。自分を見る思いだ。「自分の力だけでは何一つ成し遂げることはできず、神さまの導き、支えがあるからこそ生きて行くことができる」という謙虚な見地に立てていない。神さまによって自分が創られたことを忘れ、感謝を忘れてしまっている。
　神さまを人生の中心に据えて生きるなら、弟が何をしようが、父親が自分を振り返ってくれなかろうが、気にならなくなるのではないだろうか。神さまから与えられた使命の道に生きるのみだ。それができれば、自分の家族である弟が命からがら戻ってきた時、怒りを覚えるよりも、むしろ父と一緒に心の底から喜べるはずではないだろうか。そうであるべきなのだろうと思う。

　「こんなに頑張っているのに、報われない」と、本当に悔しい気持ちにさせられる出来事は、残念ながら頻繁に起こる。理不尽に思えることが多く、人生とはかくも厳しいものだ。しかしそんな時ほど、神さまに私の存在の真ん中に座っていただき、歩みを進めてゆきたい。私たち一人一人は神さまの被造物であることを思い出し、今日も神さまから命をいただいて生きていることを胸に留めてゆく。
　少しでも気を抜くとすぐに神さまを忘れてしまう私だが、今回のように聖書からヒントをもらい、また様々な場面で私に告げられる御声をキャッチし、いつも神さまを覚えていたい。それには、絶えず感受性を高め、学び続けるという姿勢が大切なのかと思う。道は険しく、行く手は果てしなく遠い。

　でも、弟も弟だよね

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The elder brother of the prodigal son

　“But the elder son said to his father, ‘Look, I have been serving you for many years. I have never disobeyed your orders, and yet you have not given me even a young goat to make a feast with my friends. But when your son comes home with the harlots and spends your property, you slaughter the fatted calf.’” (Luke 15:29-30)
　The above Bible passage is the famous “Parable of the Prodigal Son”, and the pastor mentioned it in his sermon at our church’s Sunday service the other day. He talked about the older brother, not the prodigal son, and explained that this older brother only thinks about himself.

　I had been thinking about this story for some time, and basically I felt sympathy for the “older brother” criticized by the pastor. I think I am probably the type of person this older brother is. It was easy for me to identify with him, and I didn’t need much time to understand his feelings.
　In the story, this older brother persevered through his hard work every day and devoted himself to his father. However, when his younger brother, who had been playing around, suddenly returned home, he received a lavish welcome from his father that he had never received before. It seems natural to me that the older brother would feel frustrated. However, the pastor introduced this older brother as a “bad example”.

　If I were to try to explain the pastor’s explanation in my own words, I think that this older brother is proud of the fact that he has been able to endure the hard work by himself. He is probably proud of the fact that he has been able to protect his family and provide for them while his younger brother has been enjoying himself elsewhere. To me, this seems like a natural emotion, but when I think about it carefully, I can’t see the presence of God in this older brother’s heart. In everything he does, the older brother acts from a self-centered perspective, thinking “I worked hard” or “I achieved this with my own strength”, and it seems to me that he is a little arrogant. It reminds me of myself. He doesn’t have the humble perspective that “I can’t achieve anything on my own, and I can only live because of God’s guidance and support”. He has forgotten that he was created by God, and he has forgotten to be grateful.
　If you live with God at the center of your life, you won’t be bothered by what your brother does or whether your father looks back at you. You will only live the path of the mission given to you by God. If you can do that, when your brother, who is your family, returns from the brink of death, you will be able to rejoice with your father from the bottom of your heart, rather than feeling angry. I think that is how it should be.

　Unfortunately, events that make us feel truly frustrated, such as “I’m working so hard, but it’s not paying off,” happen frequently. There are many things that seem unreasonable, and life is so harsh. But in times like these, I want to have God sitting in the center of my existence as I move forward. I want to remember that each of us is God’s creation, and that we are alive today because God has given us life.
　If I let my guard down even a little, I forget about God, but I want to always remember God, like this time when I received hints from the Bible and caught the voice that was telling me in various situations. I think it is important to constantly improve my sensitivity and to keep learning. The road is steep, and the path ahead is endlessly far.

　But this younger brother is also bad.