待ち伏せ(その1)[Ambush (Part 1)]

投稿者: | 2022-04-24

 毎年この時期は何かと仕事が忙しく、いつも追い込まれ気味になる。やらなければならないことが終わらず、帳尻を合わせるために休日出勤していた。来週末からゴールデンウィークでたっぷり休めるし、少しくらい無理をしても平気だろうと、比較的気軽な感じで出社した。
 私と同じような状況なのか、ほんの数人は働いていたが、平日と比べて建物内は本当に静かだった。私は自分に割り当てられた小部屋にいつも一人でいるが、その部屋の中にいても静寂の雰囲気が伝わってくる。久しぶりの休日出勤だったが、落ち着いて集中しやすく、あの環境はやっぱり好きだ。

 普段は建物の夜警さんにはほとんど会う機会がない。3名の方が交代で勤務していらっしゃって、たまに残業して遅くなった時に、私が帰った後カギをかけてもらうために少し声をかけるくらいだ。ホントにそれだけの僅かなお付き合いでしかないが、その中の一人の方と何となく仲良くなって、顔が合うと必ず声を掛け合う間柄になっている。恐らく70代で男性の方。
 休日には夜警さんたちが昼間も勤務している。今回私が久しぶりの休日出勤ということで、私の部屋の灯りがついているのを見て、挨拶しに来てくださったのだと思う。それ自体、何の問題もない。ただタイミングが悪かった。

 私は静寂の中、天気も良く、気持ちがゆったりしていて、誰にも邪魔されない環境をある意味満喫している状態にあった。誰かが訪ねてくることは全く予想していない。そんな時に、私が作業をして出たゴミを捨てに行こうと部屋のドアを開けると、そこにその夜警さんが今まさにドアを開けようと、すぐ目の前に立っていた。
 私は要らなくなった梱包材などのたくさんのゴミを、まとめ入れる袋がなかったので、バラバラのままムリに胸に抱え込んでいた。だからゴミを落とさないように上体がかなり前かがみになっていた。つまり顔が前方に突き出ている状態で、夜警さんと突然出くわしたわけだ。悪いことに夜警さんもお歳のせいか、少し猫背気味でいらした。

 ドアを開けた瞬間に夜警さんの顔がいきなりアップで現れ、私はかなり動揺した。私が歳を取ったせいで、そういった突然の強烈な刺激に対する耐性が弱まってきている可能性はある。でも、人生で一番びっくりしたかもしれない。「びっくり」なんていう領域を超えて、私は恐怖感を覚えた。少し経っても動悸がなかなか収まらない。残像が消えてくれない。夜警さんもびっくりしただろうが、状況的に私の比ではないだろう。
 そしてそれが「怒り」に変わるのに、それほど時間はかからなかった。「与えられた恐怖は怒りに変わっていくんだ」と実感した。しかし夜警さんが何も悪くないのは分かっていたし、怒りを抑えよう抑えようと必死に取り繕った。それは私の「びっくりした!びっくりした!」という大きめの声になって現れた。それしか言葉が出て来ない。
 「事故だ、事故だ」と自分に言い聞かせる。夜警さんはそそくさと、申し訳なさそうに行ってしまった。それでもなかなか私の動悸が収まらない。とてもとても夜警さんを思いやる余裕は見つけようがない状態だった。
 そんな戦いを自分の中でしていた時、不思議と昔に犯したある過ちが脳裏を過った。

 (その2)へ続く

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Ambush (Part 1)

 Every year at this time of the year, I am busy with something at work and I always feel trapped. I had to work on holidays to balance the books because I couldn’t finish what I had to do. I came to work relatively casually, thinking that I would have plenty of time off during Golden Week next weekend and that I would be fine with pushing myself a little bit.
 Only a few people were working, perhaps in the same situation as me, but the building was really quiet compared to weekdays. I am always alone in the small room assigned to me, but even inside that room I could feel the atmosphere of silence. It had been a long time since I had worked on a holiday, but I still like that environment because it is calm and easy to concentrate.

 I rarely have the chance to meet the building’s night watchmen; there are three of them working in shifts, and sometimes when I work late, I just say a few words to them to ask them to lock the door after I leave. We only have a very brief relationship, but I have become somewhat friendly with one of them, and we always talk to each other when we see each other. He is a man, probably in his 70s.
 On holidays, the night watchmen are on duty during the day as well. Since I was working on a holiday for the first time in a while this time, I think he saw my room light on and came to greet me. There is nothing wrong with that. It was just bad timing.

 I was in a state of quietness, the weather was nice, I was feeling relaxed, and in a way enjoying the environment where I was not disturbed by anyone. I did not expect anyone to visit me at all. At such a time, when I opened the door to my room to go throw away the garbage from my work, there he was, the night watchman, standing right in front of me, about to open the door at any moment.
 I had been carrying a lot of garbage, including packing materials, in pieces on my chest because I didn’t have a bag to put them in. So I had to bend my upper body forward to prevent the trash from falling out. In other words, my face was sticking out in front of me when I suddenly ran into the night watchman. To make matters worse, the night watchman was also a little hunched over, perhaps due to his age.

 The moment I opened the door, the night watchman’s face suddenly appeared in a close-up, and I was quite upset. It is possible that I am getting older and my tolerance for such sudden and intense stimuli is weakening. But it was probably the biggest surprise of my life. Beyond the realm of “surprise,” I was terrified. Even after a short time, my palpitations did not subside. The afterimages would not go away. The night watchman must have been startled, but I doubt he was as startled as I was, given the circumstances.
 And it didn’t take long for it to turn into “anger. I realized that “given fear, it turns into anger. But I knew that the night watchman had done nothing wrong, and I tried my best to suppress my anger and mend it. It was my “Surprise! Surprise!” It appeared in my louder voice. That was all I could say.
 It was an accident, an accident,” I told myself. The night watchman quickly and apologetically left. Even so, my palpitations did not subside. I could not find the time to be considerate of the night watchman.
 As I was fighting this battle within myself, I was reminded of a mistake I had made a long time ago.

 (Continue to (Part 2)

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