30人ほどの研修会の場で、ある台本を朗読するという役目を仰せつかった。皆さんの前に出ていって読むわけではなく、自分の席で座ったまま、マイクを通して声だけで演技した。相手役の方もいて、私と二人でやり取りをするという設定だった。私は心が病んでいて自暴自棄になっている男性の役で、相方は私の愚痴話を冷静に聞いてアドバイスを返すという役どころだった。

　私は若干の躊躇を覚えたが、「やるしかない！」と思い気合を入れ、役に入り込むように努めた。何しろ初見だったので、なかなか難しかった。相手役がセリフを言っている短い間に、次の自分のパートを読んで、“役作り”をする。と同時に相手のセリフの進行状況も押さえておかなければならない。
　私の役はちょっと情緒不安定ぎみの人のようで、それこそセリフごとに「つぶやき」調になったり、怒ってみたり、泣き出しそうになったりと、大忙しだった。私は咄嗟に読み取った心情に合わせて、じっくり間を取ったり、少し相手のセリフのお尻にワザと被せることで、いらだちを表現したりした。蚊の鳴くような声でセリフを言った時には、本当に微量な私の声を拾ってくれた高性能のマイクに感謝した。

　一枚のA3用紙いっぱいに書かれた台本を読み終わり、「終わった」とホッとしながら用紙を裏返してみると、かなり動揺した。何と！裏面にもセリフがビッシリ書かれていた。「まだ半分なのか…」。
　結論から言うと、私としては裏面の読み方はあまり良くなかった。表面の方が気持ちが入って集中できていたように思う。裏面を見た瞬間に動揺してしまったこともあったが、正直、最後の方は疲れていた。とてもこの機会を楽しむというような余裕はなく、ある意味では私の演技力を皆さんにアピールする絶好のチャンスだったにもかかわらず、最後は読むことで精一杯になってしまっていた。でも持てる力は出し切った。
　終わった直後は何故か口を開けたまま天井を見て、しばらくフリーズしてしまった。追い詰められると、人間は思いがけない動作をすることがあるものだ。全く自然に出た仕草だった。時計を見ると読み始めてからあっという間に30分が経過していた。

　私の読み方がどんなに酷かったとしても、突然の指名に応えた私の読み方を公然と貶す人は、まぁいないだろう。講師の先生は褒めてくださったし、参加した人たちからも一応パラパラと拍手をいただいた。でも本音の感想は一人一人聞いてみないと分からない。「気持ち悪い」と思った人がいたとしても、私は驚かない。それくらい役に入り込んだ。「下手くそ！」と感じた人だっているかもしれない。どうだろう、分からない。
　正直、相方の冷静さにも助けられた。淀みない読み方に支えられた。たとえ私がコケても、「あの人がきっと何とか取り繕ってくれる」という安心感を持てた。感謝。
　いつどんなチャンスが私を待っているかは分からない。不意を突かれても自分らしく対応できるように、「目を覚ましていたい」。

　やって良かったw

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Opportunity

　I was asked to read from a script at a training session for about 30 people. I did not go out in front of the audience to read the script, but rather I acted it out with just my voice through the microphone while sitting in my seat. There was also a partner, and the two of us would communicate with each other. I played the part of a man who was sick at heart and desperate, and my partner played the part of a man who calmly listened to my foolish stories and gave back advice.

　I felt some hesitation, but I said to myself, “I have to do it! So I got into it and tried to get into the role. After all, it was my first time to see that sentence, so it was quite difficult. I had to read my part while the other actor was saying his lines, and then “create the role. At the same time, I had to keep track of the progress of the other actor’s lines.
　My character seemed to be a bit emotionally unstable, so I was very busy “mumbling,” getting angry, and almost crying with each line. I took my time to pause and express my frustration by putting a little bit of the other person’s line on the butt of the other person’s line, depending on the emotion I was reading on the spur of the moment. When I said my lines in a mosquito-like voice, I was grateful for the high-performance microphone that picked up my really minute voice.

　When I finished reading the script, which was written on a sheet of A3 paper, I turned the paper over, relieved to be done, and was quite upset. What a surprise! The reverse side was also littered with lines. I wondered if we were only halfway through.
　As it turns out, for me, reading the reverse side was not so good. I think I felt more comfortable and concentrated on the front side. I was upset at times when I saw the reverse side, but to be honest, I was tired by the end. I didn’t have the luxury of enjoying this opportunity very much, and even though in a way it was a great chance for me to show you all my acting ability, I was too busy reading at the end. But I gave it all I had.
　For some reason, right after I finished, I froze for a while, looking at the ceiling with my mouth open. When cornered, people sometimes make unexpected movements. It was a gesture that came completely naturally. I looked at my watch and saw that 30 minutes had passed in the blink of an eye since I had started reading.

　No matter how bad my reading was, no one would, well, openly undermine the way I read in response to a sudden appointment. The instructor was complimentary, and I received a passing paraplegic applause from those who attended. But I will not know what they really thought of me until I hear from each one of them. I wouldn’t be surprised if some of them thought it was “weird.” That’s how much I got into the role. “This is terrible! Some people may even feel that they are not a good candidate for the job. I don’t know.
　To be honest, I was helped by my partner’s calmness. I was supported by the way he read without hesitation. Even if I made a mistake, I had a sense of security that he would somehow make it up to me. Thank you.
　You never know when or what kind of opportunity awaits me. I want to “stay awake” so that I can respond in my own way even if I am caught off guard.

　I’m glad I did it. w