変な夢を見た。いつもは夢なんて見たとしてもすっかり忘れてしまっているのに、久しぶりに起きてからも憶えている。最近眠りが浅いせいかもしれない。まるでネタに困っている私を見かねて、誰かが一ネタ授けてくれたかのようだ。目が覚めた瞬間に、「一ネタ助かった！」と胸をなでおろした私は、少々追い込まれ気味かもしれない。

　私はファミリーレストランのウェイターをしていた。40名くらいはゆったり収容できるくらいの広いお店。私は店長ではなさそうだが、恐らく少し責任があるようなポジションにいる。まだお客さんがまばらで、開店して間もない時間帯だった。
　「牡蠣のソテー」らしき料理が厨房から出てきた。私はそれをトレーに乗せてオーダーしたお客様のところに持って行こうとするのだが、何故かその料理は新聞紙に白黒印刷された実物大の写真だった。もうその時点でナンセンスなのだが、私の危惧はその料理が新聞紙であることよりも、何と、写真に写っているその牡蠣が黒く焦げ付いていることの方が気になってしまう。
　そして「これではお客様に怒られてしまう」と思い悩み始める。なかなかいい打開策が見つからず、精神的に追い詰められていく。パラパラとその“料理”をめくって、「あ～、この料理は三枚でできているんだ～」等と少しリラックスしてみたりしている。一刻も早く厨房へ戻って、作り直してもらえば良さそうなものなのに、私は何とか焦げた言い訳をこしらえて、お客様に許してもらおうとしている。そのまま食べてもらって穏便に済まそうとしている。頭の中では「新聞紙でできた牡蠣は不味そうだな～」等と考えているのだが、それでも何とか納得してもらって食べてもらおうとしている。
　この焦げた“料理”を見せる前に、オーダーしたお客様がどんな人か見に行ってみた。年齢や性別によって当然謝り方も変わってくるので、準備のため、まずは偵察に出てみた。どうやら私の頭の中には、厨房に駆け込む選択肢は全くないようだ。席まで行ってみると幸運なことにそのお客さんは私の親戚の人だった。家族でいらしていた。それほど親しい付き合いがあるわけではないが、お互いを見れば認識できるし、挨拶くらいは普通にする間柄。親戚だからと言って粗相を許してもらえるとは思わなかったが、謝りやすいことは確かだ。一か八か勇気を出して、その“焦げた白黒写真の牡蠣ソテー”をお出しした。
　結局そのお客様は写真の料理に対してそれほど違和感を持つことはなく、焦げているのは嫌だから作り直してくれということで私の説得作戦は失敗に終わる。その辺で目が覚めたようだった。

　ここまで書いてきて、これが「一ネタ」に値するネタかどうか、甚だ不安になってきている。「イケる！」と期待したのだが、実際に文字に起こしてみると、あまり面白くないかもしれない。ただ私としては、「夢分析」ではないが、「起こってしまったことを嘆くのではなく、前を向いて対応していく」という私の姿勢と、「物事の上部だけで判断し、本質を見ようとしていない」愚かさが、少し歪んだ形ではあるものの、表されていたのかなと感じた次第である。まぁ、こういう日があってもいい。

　誰か、分析してくれないかな～？

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Burnt Oysters

　I had a strange dream. Usually, when I have a dream, I have forgotten about it, but for the first time in a long time, I remember it even after I woke up. Maybe it is because I have not been sleeping well lately. It was as if someone had given me a story because they couldn’t stand the thought of me having trouble finding one. The moment I woke up, I thought to myself, “I have a story to tell! I may be a bit backed into a corner.

　I was a waiter at a family restaurant, large enough to comfortably seat about 40 people. I was in a position that did not appear to be a manager, but probably had a bit of responsibility. The restaurant was still sparsely populated and had not been open long.
　A dish that looked like “sauteed oysters” came out of the kitchen. I put it on a tray and was about to bring it to the customer who ordered it, but for some reason the dish was a life-size photo printed in black and white on a newspaper. It was already nonsense at that point, but my concern was not so much that the dish was on newspaper, but more that the oyster in the photo was black and burnt.
　Then I begin to worry, thinking, “This will make the customer angry. He is unable to find a good solution to the problem, and is mentally driven into a corner. He flips through the “dishes” and relaxes a little, thinking, “Oh, this dish is made of three papers. It would have been better to return to the kitchen as soon as possible and ask them to remake the dish, but I somehow manage to come up with a burnt excuse and try to get the customer to forgive me. Also I am trying to get them to eat it as it is and keep it civil. In my head, I am thinking, “Oysters made of newspaper don’t taste good,” etc., but I am still trying to convince the customer to eat them.
　Before showing this burnt “dish,” I went to see what kind of person the customer who ordered it was. Since the way of apologizing naturally changes depending on the age and gender of the customer, I first went out to scout for the customer in order to prepare. Apparently, there was no option in my mind to run to the kitchen at all. I made my way to the seat and fortunately the customer was a relative of mine. He was there with his family. We don’t know each other that closely, but we recognize each other when we see each other and we usually at least greet each other. I didn’t think they would forgive my rough behavior just because we were relatives, but it was certainly easy for me to apologize. I took a chance and served him the “sauteed oysters with a burnt black-and-white photo”.
　In the end, the customer did not feel so much discomfort with the dish in the photo, and my efforts to persuade him failed, as he did not want the dish to be burnt and asked me to remake it. It was at this point that I seemed to have woken up.

　After writing all this, I am getting very worried about whether this is a “story” worthy of being called a “story. It will be good! I had hoped that this would be the case, but when I actually try to put it into words, it may not be very interesting. However, as for me, although it is not a “dream analysis,” I felt that my attitude of “looking forward and responding to what has happened rather than lamenting what has happened” and my foolishness of “judging things only from the top and not trying to see their essence” were expressed, albeit in a slightly distorted form. Well, this is the kind of day I’m having.

　Can someone please give me an analysis?