小学校5年生か6年生かの時の話。野球少年だった私にとっての日曜日は、待ちに待った「思う存分に野球ができる日」である。その日曜日は午前中に練習し、午後からは他校と練習試合が組まれていた。ところが午前中からあいにくの雨模様で、そのまま悪天候が続けば練習試合は中止になるという予定になっていた。せっかくの日曜日、どうしても試合がしたい私たちは、どこで教わったのか、それぞれの願い方でお祈りというか、「晴れ祈願」を始めた。
　一人一人が立ったまま壁に向かって目を閉じ、何やらモゴモゴと呪文を唱えるようにつぶやき始めた。私はというと、すでに亡くなっていたおじいちゃんに向かって、「おじいちゃん、どうか晴れにしてください」と、もの凄い集中力で念じていた記憶がある。たぶん両手を組んでいたと思う。「苦しい時の“おじいちゃん”頼み」だった。しばらくすると雨は上がり、無事に試合ができたということがあった。

　たまたま偶然に晴れた。それだけの事で、祈りが通じたなどということはないのだと思う。しかし私は何故か、晴れたことが当然のように思えた。真剣に祈ったのだから晴れて当たり前だと、根拠のない自信に満ちていたことを思い出す。「ほらね」みたいな感じ。なぜあんな自信満々な心境になれたのか分からない。ただ、試合の結果等は全く覚えていないが、灰色の横雲が次第に引いて行き、徐々に明るさを取り戻していった、あの曇り空のことだけは妙に焼き付いている。

　人間業とは思えないような好結果をもたらした私の“念力”であったが、不思議とこの力は何度も使ってはいけないような気がした。何でもできる「無敵のパワーを得た」という優越感からはほど遠く、これは本当に大切な時にしか使ってはいけない秘密の力で、何回かは分からないが、恐らくこれからの人生で数回しか使えない「魔法のランプ」を手にしたような感覚だった。だから必要な時を慎重に見極めて、大事に使わなければならないと直感した。全くもって私らしいなと思う。実際その出来事のことは、しばらくして忘れてしまっていたのだが。

　キリスト教のこと等は知識としても知らなかった頃の出来事で、映画か何かで観たのかもしれないが、本当に祈ろうとしたとき、自然と手を組んでいたことが印象的だ。現在しているスタイルと変わらない。私が自発的に行った、人生で初めてのお祈りだった。
　これは子供の頃にいわゆる「苦しいときの神頼み」をしたというお話であるが、私にとっては「私の祈りの原点」を感じさせるエピソードである。今では毎日当たり前に行う「お祈り」。あの頃とは捧げる対象が違うし、祈る内容も全く異なる。しかし祈るときの「集中力」、或いは「信じる心」みたいなものは、もしかしたら子供の頃の方が強かったかもしれない。祈りが浅いなと感じたとき、またあのどんよりとした空を思い出そうと思う。

　ホントに晴れちゃったんだよね

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Magic Lamp

　I was in the fifth or sixth grade of elementary school. As a baseball boy, Sundays were the days I longed for when I could play baseball to my heart’s content. On that Sunday, we practiced in the morning and had a practice game against another school in the afternoon. Unfortunately, it had been raining since the morning, and if the weather continued to be bad, the practice game would be cancelled. We wanted to have a game on Sunday, so we began to pray for good weather, or rather, to pray in our own way.
　One by one, we stood up, closed our eyes against the wall, and began to mumble something as if we were chanting an incantation. I remember I was saying to my grandfather, who had already passed away, “Grandpa, please let it be fine,” with tremendous concentration. I think he probably had his hands folded. It was a “request to “Grandpa” in times of distress. After a while, the rain stopped and the game went on without incident.

　It just so happened that the weather cleared up. I don’t think that my prayers were answered. But for some reason, I felt as if it was a matter of course that the weather cleared up. I remember that I was filled with unfounded confidence that it was natural that the weather would clear because I had prayed earnestly for it. It was like, “See? I don’t know how I got into such a confident frame of mind. I don’t remember the result of the match at all, but I do remember that cloudy sky, with the gray horizontal clouds gradually receding and gradually regaining their brightness, was strangely etched into my mind.

　It was my “telekinesis” that brought me such good results that I could not believe it was human work, but strangely enough, I felt that I should not use this power again and again. Far from the feeling of superiority that I had obtained an “invincible power” that could do anything, this was a secret power that should only be used on really important occasions, and I felt as if I had a “magic lamp” that I would probably only use a few times in my future life, although I am not sure how many times. So I intuitively knew that I had to carefully discern when I needed it and use it with care. I think that is totally typical of me. In fact, I forgot about that event after a while.

　I may have seen it in a movie or something, but I remember that when I really wanted to pray, I naturally folded my hands. It is no different from the style I do now. It was the first time in my life that I prayed, which I did spontaneously.
　This is a story about my so-called “asking God for help in times of distress” when I was a child, but for me, it is an episode that reminds me of “the origin of my prayer. Nowadays, we pray every day as a matter of course. The object of my prayer is different from back then, and the content of my prayer is also completely different. However, the “power of concentration” or “faith” when praying may have been stronger when I was a child. Whenever I feel that my prayers are shallow, I try to remember that cloudy sky again.

　It really cleared up.