小学校5年か6年生の頃、同級生のまさみちゃんを好きになった。好きになったと言ってもその頃の小学生なので、“付き合う”とか告白するとかということはなく、ただ何となく可愛らしいなぁと思っていた。
　まさみちゃんは耳に障害があって、いつも補聴器をつけていた。私は憧れていただけで、いつも遠くから見ているだけのような感じで、直接話すようなことはほとんど無かったと思う。時折り他の女の子の友達と話している声が聞こえてくると、まさみちゃんの声は、難聴者特有の「アウアウ」というような音が強いしゃべり方で、よく聞き取れなかった。けれどもそんなことはちっとも気にならず、かわいいなぁと純粋にときめいていた。

　その時のことを思い出して考えてみることが今までに何度かあった。「どうしてオレはわざわざ耳が悪い子を好きになたのだろう」と。もしかしたらそういう弱い部分に惹かれたのではないだろうか、もし障害がなかったら好きになっていなかったのではないか、同情して好きになったのではないか、等々。
　当時と同じ気持ちになることは叶わないが、もう一度精いっぱい想像してみた。小学生のレベルでは、障害があると不利だとか他人からバカにされるとか、計算高くそういう余計なことに気を回せる知識や余裕はなかったのではないだろうか。純粋に私の心が惹かれる何かが、まさみちゃんにあったのだと思う。性を問わず人と人が出会うときは、多かれ少なかれ、そういう惹かれ合うような見えない引力が働くものだろう。

　私の教会に所属しているある男性の方が昨日婚約を発表された。花嫁花婿ともにすでに高齢者で、どちらとも再婚になるそうだ。花婿は長年依存症に苦しんでおられる方で、花嫁は身体に障害がある上に、精神病も患っているとのこと。そういう二人が知り合い、晴れて結ばれる。その話を聞いて、私には奇跡が起きたとしか思えなかった。ただただ涙が私の頬を伝い落ちる。本当に素晴らしい知らせだった。
　と同時に、私はもし花婿が自分だったらと想像した。損得勘定で生きている卑しい私には、到底出来なかっただろうと正直に思った。自分もこれから確実に老いていく中で、ハンディキャップを負った女性と共に生きていくことを彼は決意したのだ。何という勇気だろう。私のような愚かな人間には、理解のしようがない大いなる志を彼は備えているのだ。言うまでもなく、花嫁の決意も同様に素晴らしい。

　死をはじめ、彼らには多くの苦難が待っているだろう。それも遠い未来の話ではない。そんなことは本人たちが一番良く知っていて、もしかしたら恐ろしくて怯えているのかもしれない。それでも、いやそれだから、彼らは二人で手を取り合う道を選んだのだろうか。偉大な決断を下した二人の未来を応援したい。
　後先考えずに突き進むことは勇敢な行為であり、また無謀でもある。積極的に動くほどにリスクは高まる。恐らく二人で、またそれぞれで、深く悩んだ末のことだろう。神さまの時が満ちたのだと信じたい。彼らは幸せを掴むために動いたのだ。願わくはその生き方が、神さまが彼らに与えられた使命の一つでありますように。アーメン 。

　まさみちゃん、元気かな～？

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Magnetism

　When I was in the fifth or sixth grade of elementary school, I fell in love with a classmate, Masami-chan. Even though I fell in love with her, since I was in elementary school at that time, I did not confess to her that I wanted to go out with her or anything like that.
　Masami-chan was hearing impaired and always wore a hearing aid. I just admired her and always looked at her from afar, and I don’t think I ever talked to her directly. When I occasionally heard her talking with other girl friends, I couldn’t understand her voice very well because it had a strong “ooh-oh” sound, which is characteristic of people with hearing loss. However, I did not care about that at all and was genuinely attracted to her, thinking how cute she was.

　I have had several occasions to think about that time. Why did I go to the trouble of liking a girl who was hard of hearing? Perhaps I was attracted to that kind of weakness in her. If she had not been deaf, I would not have liked her, or I would have liked her out of pity, etc.
　Although it is impossible for me to realize the same feelings as I had then, I tried to imagine it again as best I could. At the level of an elementary school student, I doubt that I had the knowledge or the luxury of being calculative and paying attention to such unnecessary things, such as being at a disadvantage because of my disability or being looked down upon by others as a fool. I think there was something about Masami-chan that genuinely attracted me. When people meet, regardless of sex, there is probably some kind of invisible force of attraction.

　A man in my church announced his engagement yesterday. Both the bride and groom are already elderly, and both are remarrying. The bridegroom has been suffering from addiction for many years, and the bride has a physical disability and also suffers from mental illness. These two people met each other and are now united in marriage. When I heard this story, all I could think was that a miracle had occurred. Tears simply streamed down my cheeks. It was truly wonderful news.
　At the same time, I imagined if the groom had been me. I honestly thought that I could never have done it, being a lowly person who lives life on the basis of profit and loss. He had decided to live with a handicapped woman while he himself would surely grow old in the future. What courage! He has a great ambition that a fool like me cannot even begin to comprehend. Needless to say, the bride’s determination is equally impressive.

　Many hardships will await them, including death. It is not far in the future. They know that better than anyone else, and perhaps they are frightened and terrified. Still, or perhaps that is why they have chosen to join hands together. I want to support the future of these two people who have made a great decision.
　To push forward without second thoughts is both a brave act and reckless. The more aggressive you are, the greater the risk. I am sure that this is a decision that both of them, and each of them, have been deeply troubled by. I would like to believe that God’s time has come. They have moved on to find happiness. Hopefully, that way of life is one of the missions God has given them. Amen.

　Masami, I hope you are well?